Is it OK to date a colleague from your company or a competitor?
Q. Am I the only one noticing a slide in good manners or at least acknowledgment when someone does something nice for someone else? I remember growing up and going shopping with my mom. When we crossed the street and a car waited for us to cross (there were no pedestrian walkways then), my mom would always look at the driver and say thank you or wave her hand and bend her head a little to acknowledge the kindness. Or when my dad was driving the car and some other car let him in ahead of him, he always waved his hand outside the window or up near the windshield in appreciation. I often do that today and I don’t even get a look of acknowledgment. Is it no longer something I should expect?
A. I have noticed this same trend when it comes to showing appreciation for an act of kindness to a stranger. It does not mean we should stop being kind to others, but we should not be doing it for the sign of appreciation. It is the “expectation” which can cause disappointments. Continue to be the kind, considerate person you are and know you are a good person. Let that be your satisfaction.
Lighting candles prior to dusk a no-no?
Q. I have had a few girlfriends over for tea on some of these dark and dreary winter afternoons. I enjoy setting a cheerful table and I personally love the warmth and coziness when I light a few candles on my table on these dark afternoons. One of my girlfriends reminded me she heard you should not light candles until after dusk. Am I committing a big faux pas by lighting mine?
A. No, you are not committing a big faux pas. Most etiquette books will tell you that if it is a dark and dreary afternoon, you are permitted to light the candles on your table before dusk. I agree with you that It does add a lovely touch to your table as well as the tea experience.
Dating a colleague
Q. Our daughter, who is a very successful professional, called us recently and said she had received flowers delivered to her office from a colleague she had recently met from a competing company. The attached note read something like he admired her and would like to take her to dinner and that he would be calling her when he returned from a short business trip. She was excited but we gently reminded her dating someone in your own company or from a competing company is not appropriate. She finally agreed but asked if she should write him a note to thank him for the flowers and tell him she felt it inappropriate to date him or wait until he called. We weren’t sure which would be more appropriate. Can you tell us please?
A. Although very exciting to receive flowers at your office from an admirer, it was very wise of you to remind your daughter of the possible negative ramifications of dating someone in her same company, but a colleague in a competing company as well. Writing him a thank-you note is too formal. I think it more appropriate for her to wait until he calls to thank him and inform him of her policy.