What is proper etiquette for writing thank you notes? Our expert offers some pointers

Q. Several of us in our office have either high school or college students graduating this year. We have had some interesting conversations about handwritten thank you notes and we would appreciate your comments.

• Are handwritten thank you notes necessary if you thank the person when they hand you the gift or card at the graduation ceremony or at the graduation party, if you open it in front of them? If you open it later?
• Could a text message thanking the person for the gift be sufficient rather than sending a written thank you note? Or an email?
• If you use a printed THANK YOU note card, how much do you really have to say in it? Is it okay or enough to just say, “Thank you so much for the ________________________(money or bracelet or briefcase) PERIOD? Do you have to mention the amount of money you were given?
• How soon should a thank you note or text or email be sent? Or what is the window?
• If handwriting is really bad, can a typed note be put inside a thank you card?

A. Thank you for your questions. I have had a lot of questions like these from others recently and there does seem to be a lot of variation in the responses. Here are my comments, which may seem old-fashioned to some, but proven to remain to be most appreciated and appropriate.

• Whether you open the graduation card or gift in front of the giver or later, and you verbally thank them, a handwritten note should also be sent to that person.
• Although a thank you text message or email can be sent very shortly after receiving the gift, a handwritten thank you note also should be sent to that person.
• A handwritten note should say more than just “Thank you for the graduation gift.” It should refer to the gift. If the gift is money, it is not necessary to mention the amount, but it is very appropriate to mention how the money will be used. If the person to whom you are writing was at the graduation ceremony or the graduation party, it is also appropriate to thank them for coming. That could be the first sentence: “Dear ____________ Thank you so much for coming to my graduation (or my graduation party). It made everything so much more special having you there.”

For example:

“Dear Uncle Joe, Thank you so very much for your generous graduation gift. I will be using the money to pay for some of my books for my first semester at (name of college).”

“Dear Grandma, Thank you so much for the beautiful gold bracelet with my name engraved on it. It is a very special gift and I will think of you every time I wear it — which will be a lot.”

• A handwritten thank you note should be sent as soon as possible — 48 hours if possible, but at least within a week from receiving the gift.
• Even though the person writing the thank you note has poor penmanship; poor penmanship will be more appreciated and more appropriate than a typed note inserted into the thank you note.