From silverware to New Year’s resolution, BND etiquette expert has your questions covered

Q. I don’t have butter knives with my silverware, but I do have a variety of some vintage butter knives. Can I use those or should I not use any?

A. There definitely is a trend of using a mix of vintage silverware; even a mix of china and glassware; therefore, use the vintage butter knives. It makes a great topic of discussion also.

Q. I made the mistake of telling my girlfriend, who works with me in the same office, that I made a New Year’s Resolution to get a new job. While we were in the coffee room area the other morning, she asks me where am I looking for a new job. There just happened to be other workers coming in who apparently overheard her because that afternoon, I was called into the head office and was put on the spot and asked what I was unhappy about and why was I leaving. I stuttered around and said I wasn’t unhappy.

I was then told I was going to be given a special project, but if I was planning on leaving, perhaps that wasn’t a good idea. I assured them I wasn’t leaving and would welcome a special project. They said they would let me know their decision in a couple of weeks. When I returned to my desk, my girlfriend showed up within a few minutes and asked me what happened. I told her I would call her at home and I did and I told her how she really got me into trouble. She didn’t even apologize. And now she wonders why I am not talking to her. I think she owes me an apology, yes or no?

A. Yes, she owes you an apology. However, if she doesn’t, you may want to reconsider not talking to her. You do not want to give her the opportunity to become your enemy at work. You do need to be more careful about what you tell her. You can certainly politely ask her not to mention that subject again though.

Family recipe question

Q. There is a special fudge I make for various holidays and give to family and friends. It is a recipe that has been in our family for many, many years and we do not share it. I gave some to a new neighbor this year and she has been bugging me about giving her the recipe. I have told her I can’t do that and why, but she is still insistent that she wants it. I have known other people over the years who don’t share family recipes, so will it be improper for me to tell her I would appreciate it if she doesn’t ask me again?

A. There are a lot of family recipes which are not shared. You have apparently explained that to your neighbor several times in a polite manner. You should not be bugged about it any further; therefore, it is perfectly proper for you to ask her to please not bring up the subject again.

Gift receipt dilemma

Q. I bought a sweater and skirt for my granddaughter for Christmas. I included a gift receipt inside the box. She said she really, really liked both when she opened them. I was really surprised when she texted me now, after two weeks, that she would like to give me the skirt back so I can return it. Since she only lives about 20 minutes away, I asked her to bring it to me. She did but she had removed the price tag and didn’t have the gift receipt. I was slightly irritated. I paid cash for it so I gave her the receipt and I told her she could return it herself and get something else she liked better. She gave me a weird look, so was that a faux pas — should I have returned it for her or taken her with me to return it?

A. No, and you can disregard her “weird look”. Your decision made a lot of sense because rather than you purchasing something else she might not like, you allowed her to return it and make her own selection of something she liked better.