Too soon to send out ‘Save the Date’ cards? Paper plates, plastic forks for wedding cake?

Q. My daughter is recently engaged and they are trying to decide on a date for their wedding next spring. She wants a big wedding and reception and that is fine, but there still may be COVID restrictions. She wants to go ahead and book the church and the reception place. She also wants to send out a “Save the Date” card. In my opinion, this is all way too early. What if it has to be changed from a big wedding to a small one for example? Or postponed? What is the proper thing to do at this point since we just do not know what next year will be like, much less day to day now.

A. I can understand your daughter’s excitement and eagerness to lock in the church and the location for the reception, even though we are not sure what kind of COVID restrictions there may or may not be. My thought is this: As long as she and her husband to be make certain there is a caveat in the commitment for the church and especially the location for the reception, that if there are restrictions preventing them from having a large reception, they are not financially obligated in any way if they have to cancel or postpone their reception. If there is a contract to be signed or money required to confirm the reception location, again they need to make certain there is a cost-free clause included in case of cancellation.

• Save the Date card: Even under the current COVID restrictions and circumstances, it is proper to send out the “Save the Date” card as soon as they confirm the date and locations. They do not have to indicate the location on the card because the date is the most important element. Recipients understand location and other details will be provided later in the invitation.
• Before this card is mailed, it is very important to establish a budget. Then the bride and groom both develop a list of “potential” guests. They also make certain they get input from their parents relative to who they feel should be on the list. After all, your daughter may not see her great aunt very often who lives several states away, but you, her parents, understand why she should be on the invitation list.
• After this guest list is completed, then an evaluation needs to be made as to whether everyone on the list can be invited based on the budget. If the budget will allow everyone on the list to be invited, then fine, the cards can be mailed. If, however, there is any possibility the list may have to be cut due to unforeseen or unpredictable inflated expenses, it would create a most embarrassing situation to have to “disinvite” someone who had already received the “Save the Date” card. It would be great if everyone could remain positive that your daughter’s wedding dreams will come true.

Peculiar wedding cake utensils

Q. I went to a very elegant wedding recently. A delicious dinner was served to all the guests at a lovely hotel. The only thing that I didn’t understand was that the wedding cake was served on paper plates with plastic forks. That didn’t make sense to me and it sort of took some of the bright shine off the entire event. Shouldn’t they have served the cake on regular dessert plates with the same type utensils which were provided for the dinner?

A. That is surprising and I, too, would wonder why paper plates and plastic forks were introduced for the wedding cake. No, it is not normal for this change when considering the elegance provided prior to that point. Perhaps it is a point that was not covered when all the reception details were being finalized. If the bride had someone identified to check details during the reception, or if she had a wedding planner hired, this detail would have been noticed and rectified immediately. I am not sure this apparent faux pas would have taken off the shine of the otherwise elegant event, however. Some guests may not have even noticed.