Another industry emerging from Illinois’ COVID mitigations? Funeral homes.

Funeral homes have had to alter their services to reflect public health guidelines and safety protocols during this past year of the coronavirus pandemic, but grief and the need for closure after a loved one’s death remain a steady reminder in a topsy-turvy world.

Local funeral directors reflected on the year that was after state mitigations and fluctuating limits on how many people were allowed to gather changed the way they served families.

All say they have zealously followed the CDC guidelines and the orders from the state.

Kim Sabella of Wolfersberger Funeral Home said the new rules took getting used to, even outside. People had to stand 6 feet apart in a line while waiting to enter the funeral home. If 25 guests were already waiting to enter, however, visitors would have to wait in their car or consider coming back later.

“We understand this is the exact opposite of what it is that we human beings want to do when grieving or supporting friends who are grieving,” Sabella said.

Wolfersberger Funeral Home, located at 102 W. Washington since 1948 in O’Fallon, is owned by Sabella and her husband Jim, who is the manager. Kim is a licensed funeral director in Illinois and Missouri.

They encouraged people to offer and show support through texts, phone calls, hand-written notes, floral pieces, food delivery, virtual guestbooks, and video messages, among other ideas.

“We’ve all worked hard to navigate the challenges,” Sabella said.

If people are unsure about procedure, Sabella encourages them to ask. She also said people should use common sense for social distancing.

“Before hugging, ask if it’s OK. Don’t take it personally when someone is being cautious,” she said.

Christine Brennan, vice president of Schildknecht Funeral Home, is a funeral director, embalmer, certified crematory operator and licensed insurance agent in Illinois.

“Keeping everyone safe this past year during this pandemic has been a huge effort for funeral directors, staff, families and the community in which we serve while maintaining safety, social distancing and all COVID and CDC guidelines,” Brennan said.

“It has been an enormous effort on the funeral home in order to ensure the safety of each and every family we serve who entrust us with their loved one. That effort is one in which we are proud to say we have been successful in accomplishing,” said Brennan, who has been at Schildknecht for 11 years.

Schildknecht, located at 301 Lincoln Ave. in O’Fallon, was founded in 1949 and now run by the third generation of family owners.

Joseph G. Kalmer of Kalmer Memorial Services — which has a Lebanon address but is considered an O’Fallon funeral home — is now in his 11h year at 8638 U.S. 50. He has over 20 years’ experience as a licensed funeral director and embalmer.

“It’s supposed to be a celebration of life, but families have to limit the celebration. People want to be comforted. They want to congregate. The things people need are denied to them. It’s a whole different way of communicating,” Kalmer said. “It’s just the way it is.”

Sabella said families look to them for guidance.

“For us, as a profession, we’ve had to stay on top of all the changes. We’ve had to interpret the rules, and kept an eye on the horizon,” Sabella said.

Families have tried to be creative, she noted.

“They bring ideas to us, trying to think outside the box,” Sabella said. “Family events are evolving. Early on, they wanted to be as creative as possible. We welcome input from families.”

Brennan said there has been an increase in cremation during the pandemic times, especially when there was an increase in COVID-19 cases.

Delays in services

All three funeral directors say they have seen more delayed services as families choose to wait until restrictions change or are lifted.

“Most families were forced to do something later,” Kalmer said. “They had scaled-down versions, private get-togethers.

“The intent was to have it at a later date, so more friends and family could come, but sometimes, that isn’t coming. If a family has experienced closure, they don’t want to reopen the wounds, as it were.”

Brennan said the lack of physical contact, which people took for granted, is what is missing.

“I hope the pandemic does become eradicated so families can have that personal touch from friends and family such as — what we took for granted a year ago — simply a hug,” she said.

“People want to have their friends and family there when they are grieving,” she said.

‘None of it is easy’

But as things move forward with decreased positivity rates and more people being vaccinated, normalcy is beginning to show some return when it comes to funeral services.

“I hope people who opted to do it later will have larger capacity memorial services as things begin to open up in late summer,” Sabella said. “It’s exhausting for a family, waiting, and things are unknown. I hope they still do it.”

“Now since the restrictions have broadened to a higher number of attendees at a funeral service or memorial service, the delay in services appears to be less common,” Brennan said.

“None of it is easy, but it’s important,” Sabella said.

Live Streaming

Zoom or another form of teleconferencing has become an alternative to traveling for a funeral. The home will have a live stream on their YouTube page.

“It’s the next best thing, in the middle of a pandemic,” Sabella said. “Churches are accustomed to live-streaming Mass now. We’ve gotten pretty good at it. It’s a good option for those who can’t travel.”

She noted that now relatives in other states, who wouldn’t have traveled, can now be involved.

“People want to be a part of it. They want to celebrate a life well-lived,” Kalmer said.

“I also believe that live streaming funeral services will continue, even when all restrictions may be lifted,” Brennan said.

“It’s not the same for those in mourning, but at least it gives them some form of closure,” she said.

Food customs

The common tradition of providing a meal or having food in the family gathering room has been suspended as well.

Sabella said they continue to provide coffee and water, but outside food is not allowed.

“We’re not quite ready to welcome outside food. We’ve got several great eateries within walking distance,” she said.

It’s a hard adjustment because hospitality has been a part of the funeral services for so long, Sabella noted.

“It’s already a different experience,” Sabella said.

Kalmer said the notices they put out to the public often includes “Masks required. No food will be served.”

Brennan said most families understand, but it’s another tradition that had to be given up.

“It’s difficult for families to adjust,” she said.

Customs Remaining

The three funeral homes serve the metro-east, primarily O’Fallon, Fairview Heights, Shiloh, Scott Air Force Base, Lebanon and other communities in St. Clair County. The county has fluctuated between phases and tiers.

Sabella noted churches have a different set of rules they yielded to and met those standards, including allowable capacities.

Kalmer said he can be in churches in St. Clair, Madison or Clinton counties, and each has different rules.

Masks continue to be required at all funeral homes in Phase 4 of the state’s restoration plan. That’s the Illinois Department of Public Health, not the individual funeral home.

“We want things to be different also. We may be done with COVID, but sadly, COVID isn’t done with us,” Sabella said.

“As far as any customs I foresee remaining after the restrictions are lifted, I foresee individuals continuing to wear masks and social distance when attending a funeral or memorial service,” Brennan said.

Kalmer agreed.

“I think we’ll be in masks for quite a while, even when we get somewhat back to normal,” he said.

Moving forward

Sabella said confusion about what is even slightly risky will be a challenge.

“People want to pay their respects, they want to linger, they want to stay and visit,” she said.

Even with the “new normal,” Kalmer stressed how people continue to be a blessing to each other in times of tragedy.

“People have been wonderful here,” he said.

Sabella said people understand adjustments had to be made.

“Our team has noticed how kind and considerate people have been,” she said.

“There are brighter days ahead. We hope for the best. We can only say ‘one day at a time,’” Sabella noted.

This story was originally published March 10, 2021 at 7:30 AM.