Mother Baltimore: Ask me how I feel
A week ago, I watched the new Tina Turner documentary, aptly titled “Tina”. The film, directed by Oscar-winning duo Daniel Lindsey and T.J. Martin (“Undefeated,” “LA 92”), is billed as the legendary rock singer’s farewell to her fans as she reflects on her career and personal life. It’s a story of triumph, as she recounts being able to forge a stellar solo career after leaving an abusive relationship with musical partner and ex-husband Ike Turner. It’s also a story of independence, as she, with this documentary, attempts to have agency about her own story, free of anyone else’s projections or misinterpretations.
But, to me, the documentary is mainly a story bristled with pain and trauma. Tina Turner said so herself:
“It was just so unlike me, my life, that I don’t want anyone to know about it,” Turner, in an audio clip, tells an interviewer at the beginning of the documentary. “It wasn’t a good life. It was in some areas, but the goodness did not balance the bad.”
“The goodness did not balance the bad.” That line stuck with me. And it’s utterly heartbreaking. The doyenne of rock and roll lived a life that didn’t thoroughly make her happy, one that was consumed by abuse before and after meeting Ike Turner. The woman who electrified stages with her sensual dance moves and powerful voice and was adored by fans across the world didn’t not receive that same love in her personal life.
The more I think about that juxtaposition of the external appreciation and the internal despair that was Tina Turner’s life, I think about East St. Louis, where she first met Ike Turner. A teenaged Tina, whose real name is Anna Mae Bullock, saw Ike Turner perform with his band Kings of Rhythm for the first time in the late 1950s at the now-defunct Manhattan Club in East St. Louis. Although that was the start of Ike & Tina, and, by extension, the start of Tina’s decades-long career, that was also the start of a partnership that brought a great deal of pain to her, the type of pain that I think stays with someone forever.
Perhaps it’s part of the reason why in 1985, nearly eight years after Tina’s divorce from Ike, she declined to attend a dedication ceremony of a park (Virginia Park) in East St. Louis that would be renamed in her honor. The park, which didn’t get renamed, was near the former home of Ike Turner. I can only imagine how painful it would’ve been for Tina to be back in an area that was the start of a tumultuous relationship had she accepted the invitation.
And perhaps it’s why she’s leaving the spotlight with this documentary. She no longer wants to be associated with the pain that she’s often been forced to relive throughout her career.
So, I’ll end this section with the opening lyrics from her 1989 single “Ask Me How I Feel”:
“Oh I’m waiting in the storm, ask me how I feel/ When things are going wrong, why don’t you ask me how I feel/The night is awful cold, ask me how I feel”
Have a story tip or just want to talk? Contact me at 618-239-2624 or dsutgrey@bnd.com. The Belleville New-Democrat has been hosting monthly listening sessions to hear from residents in East St. Louis, Cahokia Heights and surrounding areas on how to improve our coverage of Black communities. Our next one is Thursday, April 29 at 6 p.m. via Zoom. Fill out this form to register and answer questions about the BND’s coverage.
Now, here’s the latest news in the East St. Louis and Cahokia Heights area:
East St. Louis 189 is considering extending the school year. What would it cost?
Megan Valley, the BND’s education reporter, wrote about negotiations to extend the school year for students in East St. Louis School District 189. The plan, which would include prolonging the school year by nearly a month (from May 26 to June 30), is still in the works and requires approval from the teachers union and school board.
More on education in East St. Louis
East St. Louis looks to capitalize on Gordon Bush Elementary school’s success
Teachers are being vaccinated in southwest Illinois, but at vastly different rates
Illinois schools to get $7 billion in federal money. How much for local districts?
Residents in new southwest IL town vote to dissolve controversial water, sewer utility
On Tuesday night, residents in Centreville, Cahokia and Alorton, which will be Cahokia Heights next month, voted to eliminate Commonfields of Cahokia, a water and sewer district in the area. The vote was 1,306 yes, 280 no, according to unofficial returns.
More on Commonfields of Cahokia
Southwest IL senator works at controversial utility. He won’t talk about what he does
IL state senator defends job at utility district, but still won’t say what he does
Here’s how much Sen. Chris Belt, others made while working at Commonfields of Cahokia
Illinois EPA awards grant to help Centreville flooding problems. What happens next?
Last month, the Illinois Environmental Protection Agency awarded a roughly million-dollar grant for fixing flooding and sewage issues in Centreville. BND reporter DeAsia Paige covered next steps with the new award.
More on Centreville
Illinois EPA awards nearly $1 million to help fix flooding issues in Centreville
Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker pledges support for fixing Centreville flooding problems
Duckworth says environmental racism caused flooding, sewage issues in Centreville
What to watch
Concrete Cowboy
Based on the novel “Ghetto Cowboy” by G. Neri, “Concrete Cowboy” follows the journey of a teenager from Detroit who’s sent to live with his dad in a Black cowboy community in Philadelphia. The coming-of-age story, which can be viewed on Netflix, stars Caleb McLaughlin, Idris Elba and Jharrel Jerome.
What to read
The strange journey of ‘cancel,’ from a Black-culture punchline to a White-grievance watchword
Sure, you’ve probably heard of “cancel culture” as you’ve scrolled through your social media timeline, but did you know that the term originated as a joke in the Black community and has been appropriated to address conservative backlash to progressive ideals? Probably not. This piece by Clyde McGrady, a feature writer for The Washington Post, poignantly chronicles the wild tour of the catchphrase. In his piece, McGrady uses a James Baldwin quote to illustrate why the journey of the term is not surprising, yet is bizarre:
I do not know what white Americans would sound like if there had never been any Black people in the United States, but they would not sound the way they sound.
The end!
That completes this week’s edition of Mother Baltimore. I hope y’all enjoyed reading just as much as I enjoyed writing it. Talk to y’all in two weeks!
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