Asking for extra ice, sharing entree is OK — if done properly. Tips on good etiquette.

Q: My husband and I are at the age where it is cheaper to go out and eat than it is for me to cook at home. We have seen some very unusual dining habits lately and thought we would tell you about them and get your opinion. For example:

• Apparently some people like an extra glass of ice when they order iced tea. Makes sense since the tea is usually freshly brewed and warm to begin with and the ice melts quickly. We have witnessed one lady who used her teaspoon to dip into the ice glass and add some ice to her iced tea glass, spoonful by spoonful.
• We have watched one lady use her fingers to reach into the glass of ice and pull out a few cubes at a time and add them to her iced tea glass.
• We have also watched one man dump ice into his beverage glass and he did a good job.
• Another man tried the same thing and there was ice all over the table. He then picked up some of the pieces (of ice) with his fingers and put them into his beverage glass. He also brushed a few of the spilled ice chunks onto the floor.

Are we crazy, or are some of these people out in left field when it comes to proper dining manners? Are any proper?

Another example

We think it is becoming more and more popular for a couple to split or share one entree rather than ordering two. It makes a lot of sense really because it seems older people just do not or cannot eat an entire entree themselves. Our questions:

• Is it a “no-no” to share an entree?
• Is it proper to ask the waitress or waiter to split the entree before bringing (it) to the table, or can we ask the server to bring us an extra plate and we scrape some of the entree onto the clean plate?
• Can two people who are married, or engaged, eat off the same entree plate?

A: Yes, it seems hard to believe, but I have seen all this — and then some. Here are my responses.

Extra ice

There is nothing wrong with wanting lots of ice in your iced tea or lemonade or soda. There are some proper options to consider, however, in achieving the goal. I often ask the waiter or waitress to add the ice for me. This can be accomplished:

• With the server standing near my table, or preferably with the server taking my glass to their beverage station and then returning the glass to me or bringing a new glass.
• An extra glass of ice can be brought to my table and I can use my teaspoon to scoop out a few pieces of ice at a time, but I would rather concentrate on conversing with my tablemate.
• Using fingers to grab a piece of ice or two is inappropriate.
• Shaking the glass to add some ice to my beverage is taking a big risk to get the ice to stop when you want it or keep it from falling all over the glass, my place setting and the table. It also draws unwanted attention to my doing something the wrong way. Sweeping the ice off the table or onto the floor is definitely not proper.

Sharing food

Once again there are proper options depending on the circumstance(s).

• The basic etiquette rule says if you are sitting close to your spouse or significant other and you want to share a bite, you can cut a small piece and if it is not a long reach, you can carefully place it on your partner’s plate or on the bread and butter plate. Doing this when sitting with other people can be a little distracting and take the focus away from conversation with them. It also invites someone else at the table to ask for a sample as well and before long, you have a free for all “food swap” taking place.
• Sharing an entree is becoming more and more popular because of the large size of entrees and more and more people are not eating as much. They also realize taking a “doggie bag” home may be possible, but it is often not eaten and it never tastes as good as when it is in front of you at the restaurant.
• How this is done is the key to proper dining etiquette. For example, you can advise the waiter or waitress you will share the entree and that you would like another plate. The problem with this is seeing someone actually scrape food from one plate to the other. It is not only disruptive to others in the restaurant but it is often disgusting as well. I personally do not want to feel like I have to do anything to my plate before I get a chance to eat some of it, nor do I want to feel like it is my responsibility to be a server when I am in a restaurant. Besides that, the chef takes great care in the presentation of his food. To know that someone is scraping part of it off onto another plate does not give him a happy face.
• My preference is to advise the waiter or waitress to split the entree onto two plates before bringing it to the table. There may be a “plate fee” or “shared plate charge” added to the bill, but it is well worth it to not to spoil the elegance of the presentation of the food or the special event of having dinner out.

Sharing dessert

Dessert is the food item shared more often than any other and it carries no “improper etiquette” waves associated with it. It is often shared by more than just two and it brings with it a special air of excitement, as well as some “pomp and circumstance” in many cases, such as celebrating birthdays or anniversaries. Waiters and waitresses are well trained in bringing extra plates, forks or spoons depending on the size of the dessert. Other diners in the restaurant “feel good” to be able to witness the fun event.

Responses

Results from teachers and parents regarding the question in my last column of whether gifts are appropriate at the beginning of the school year to teachers. To avoid the impression of possible favoritism to those who give a gift to the teacher or the possible embarrassment to those children who do not give a gift, the consensus of opinion is: No gifts to teachers at the beginning of the year.